This film is utter shit.

I am tempted to end the review there, but that would be unfair. Sometimes, rarely, a movie can be such an utter bag of steaming dog shit that it transcends its shiteness and moves into a whole different realm.

Birdemic : Shock and Terror is such a film. Like a 500lb woman masturbating in some grainy home cammed porn, its very awfulness and repugnance to all that is decent compels the onlooker to watch, despite the shame they will feel at their voyeurism of the obscenity before them.

Trust me when I tell you that the special effects are quite possibly the worse you will ever have pissed yourself in amazement at. The titular birds appear to be some kind of animated .gif that is superimposed on to the film. For the most part they don't even move, just stay in the same place like bad stickers someone glued on to the camera. Greater realism would have been achieved if they'd just used rubber chickens on ropes and waved them about in front of the fuckin' camera.

As for the plot and the acting, one can only imagine that they stripped the local asylum clean of lunatics and retards in order to make this. Perhaps that is indeed what happened, and the entire ensemble were so dosed on sedatives and hallucinogens, not to mention insane delusions, that they actually believed they were making a worthwhile movie instead of squeezing out what has to be one of the most sphincter stretching turds to ever grace celluloid.

However, one has to admire the bravery - or perhaps blind stupidity - involved in not only making this shit, but then actually going on to unleash it upon the public. Most truly sane people who had been involved would have sought to burn all copies so that they might hide their shame, not brazenly flaunt it before the movie viewing public like some drunken harlot.

This film really is utter, utter shit in case you haven't got  the picture by now. It fails on absolutely every single level, your mind will boggle at the sheer fuckery and wankness involved, and nearly every minute will bring some new shocking low, whether it be a special effect that would have been considered amateurish in the 1920s, or a cast member who most likely needs coaching just to dribble trying to squeeze out a coherent line.

Utter, utter shit. You must watch it, your movie watching experience is never, ever going to be complete until you do. And, on the bright side, many other pieces of crap you go on to watch will seem like cinematic masterpieces after a viewing of this.

Watch it now!

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Posted On

2010-11-25 09:37

Posted By

BadgerblooD

+1 GEEZ.....
.....I laughed so hard, thanx for that, haha!
I think, I should watch this, but cant see that happens anytime soon though.
Fun time reading this review. :)

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